Alex

Dear Madelene, a.k.a. Madde, a.k.a. Psyk Madde, a.k.a. Mad Dog, a.k.a. Mads,

I know I haven't answered your latest e-mail. I'm sorry. Things have been, as you can imagine, quite busy over here. I hope that this can compensate for it.

I am once again back in Wuhan, I just arrived this morning. After a lot of trouble and confusion, I finally managed to get hold on the contact information for my school about a week ago. Information such as, oh say... the adress. Well, the first thing I wanted to do when I returned at 7:15 this morning was not to go look for my new school and my new dorm room, so I jumped into a cab and went to the Pathfinder's International Youth Hostel. (Which is, by the way, the most wonderful place to stay for any backpacker, even though the staff speaks almost no English, we are in Wuhan after all.) I checked in, got the same room as I stayed in the last time, took a shower (which was by this point crucial), and then crawled into the same bed I slept in the last time, and slept until eleven. This turned out to be a smart move, since it's Sunday today. That means that there are no one at the University who can administer my moving-in today. Moving-in hence postponed until tomorrow.

The memories of our great friendship sometimes comes to me, and I miss you. I miss the times we spend talking shit about the generation born in the 70's. I miss the times we spend having faked angry argues, as between lovers, in public on the subway. And when I think of the time I kicked you in the head at practice when we sparred, even though we weren't allowed to go for the head that time, or when you punched me in the face, even though I had told you that my teeths were unprotected, I just get a warm, happy feeling inside.

Well darling, I still can't tell you when I have winter break, or for how long. I guess I'll know soon. But none the less, as you are planning to come visit me this winter, there are some things that you should know about some things. Things that you should be prepared to have to handle.

1.) The food. Well, the Chinese food is good, I am the first to say it. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes they serve you things that you don't really expect though. Things that you never believed that you would eat, believed you wouldn't even get the chance to eat. Things that you never believed that anyone anywhere would eat voluntarily. Of course, most of the time you can just avoid eating it. (But sooner or later, you'll put something in your mouth that looks oh so innocent, and it will turn out to be the most disgusting thing you've ever tasted.)

When they serve meat, it's most often cut to pieces, à la wok, and you don't have to struggle with bones at all. But sometimes they serve you some dish with bones, not the kind of bones we have on our pork chops, more like splinters of bone, randomly attatched to your meat. And they never bother to cut off the fat either. In fact, fat is fancy in China. The more fat the better.

The bone issue is a big problem when you eat fish, because every little bone in it is still there. And when your Chinese friend picks out a white-ish, slimy lump the size of a golf ball from the fishes head and put it on you plate with the words: "It's fish head, very delicious!", you can't really say no without being a coward. Just hope he won't be so kind as to serve you the eyes too. (But the brain ain't too bad, though.)

 When in Rome, do as Romans. You kind of just have to take it for what it is. So when you buy something resembling meatballs on a stick in some street corner, and discover a hard piece in it, just spit it out and go on eating. A rat fell into the meat grinder, so what? We're in China.

2.) The toilets. Most toilets at the hostels are pretty okay. In Beijing and Shanghai they only had our westen-style toilets at the hostels I stayed at, in Wuhan they only had the Chinese squatting toilet, and in Hangzhou, my my, they had both.

The public toilets though.... well, I ain't picky when it comes to this kind of things (and if I ever where, I sure got over it when I came to China.). First of all, the public toilets are most often really, really dirty. Second, they lack things that we westerners kind of believe is essential when it comes to a toilet. There's no toilet paper, of course, no matter if you're in a public toilet or in a hostel toilet there's hardly ever any toilet paper. Very often the public ones also lack things such as light in the cieling, soap, sinks, and doors.

No biggie. The Chinese do it all the time, why should I fuzz about it?

3.) The English. Generally, no English. Especially not in Wuhan. In bigger cities you'll probably find that at least parts of the staff at the hostels speak some English. How non-Chinese speakers manage to get around in China is more than I can understand. The general population, the cab-drivers, the restaurant staff, the train-staff, they very seldom speak English. You'll come here and find yourself being deaf, mute and analphabetic.

4.) The accomodation. I hope you don't mind sleeping on a plank. If you're unlucky you'll also have the A.C. blowing 17 C cold air right into your face every night, you'll have a cold and a cough within just a couple of days.

5.) The Chinese. Chinese behaviour in public areas, according to western traditions, do lack some desirable aspects.

They often speak to eachother in a very loud voice, almost shouting at eachother.

They spit. Everywhere and all the time (which I was grateful for when I got my cough and had to spit phlegm every 5 minutes), and they make really gross noises while doing it (once again, I was grateful). Not only in the streets, but also in the restaurants.

And speaking of restaurants, they spit out things they don't want to eat, on the table or the floor. Or they just pick it out from the plate and throw it on the floor. If they drop something on the table they let it be where it is. They ash and put out their cigarett butts on the floor. And they are loud. It seemes as if the louder you are, the more important you are (like the boys in class in high school, interesting). And we all know that the best way to get your waitresses attention is to shout: "FU WU YUANR!" at the top of your lungs (at least if you are in Beijing, otherwise you'll yell "XIAOJIE!").

They don't understand the point of standing in line. If you enter a train, or a bus, or whatever, they will push and pull and squeeze in between, you do as they do or you'll get run over.

They stare. Even in Beijing, where there are quite a lot of foreigners, they always stare at you. If you stare back at them, they will laugh (a sign of embarassment) and be ashamed. Sometimes they point at you, nudge eachother and say: "Kanyikan! Waiguoren! Waiguoren!" ("Look! Foreigners! Foreigers!") and you'll feel like some kind of exotic animal in a zoo.

Foreigners find them rude, boarish and completely lacking any sign of good manners.

6.) The foreigners. So many freaks, so many weirdos, so many complete idiots. So many disgusting, rich, fat, white toursists who think they own the place. So many foreign youths who study or has studied Chinese and at one point or another decided that the Chinese culture is Beautiful, so completely blind for the shortcomings of this nation that they become stupid.

So many great, easy going backpackers you can spend hours and hours talking to without ever getting bored. So many funny, intelligent, beautiful, loveable people who emediately becomes your friend, your soulmate, the only one who have ever understood this or that way you think in this or that matter. They will stay in your mind and your heart for many years to come. So many possible friends, lovers, sisters, brothers. Some of them gets deeper in under your skin than you would wish for.

We're here for a shorter or longer period of time and we knock ourselves unconscious. We spend our money, drink our beer in bars filled with others like us, we go crazy because we can do whatever we want, there are no consequenses. We love the country, we hate the country, we put up an effort to understand it, or we just don't give a shit. We sometimes sit with people we can relate to, talking about how stupid all the other foreigners are, how much more we understand, how much clearer we see Reality.

We all return to our homelands telling great stories about How It Is In China, the versions varies. We write our letters and our blogs and puts forth half thought-through analyzes, claiming it to be the Truth, because we have been in China and we have Understood it.

7.) Alex. Same as always, but never the same again. Desillusionized, cynical, naive, idealistic. Smarter, dumber, cleaner, meaner, kinder, stronger, weaker, leaner. I spit if I need to. I push my way through the crowd when I get on the train. I use the squatting toilets if I can, beacuse they're just much more convenient. I yell: "FU WU YUANR!" at the top of my lungs to get the waitresses attention. I've figured it all out. I don't have a clue. Am I embracing my situation, or being embraced by it, devoured by it? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I'm calm, at peace, satisfied. I'm home.

I hope everything is fine with you. Suckerpunch Johan and Stefan from me.

With all my love,

Alex

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